Jim (describing the game on Everway-L): Delvemania rules! We've got cross-dressers, catamites and bad Scottish accents. Heck, we've even got Story Time--for real!--and a bigger bunch of thieves you've never seen. (I'm still proud of having worked the Fall of Lydia and the Battle of Montreal into one fairy tale.) We've managed to blend Authorized Version Tribal Humans with completely different characters while working in Shakespeare and Tom Stoppard.

[A warning from the GM that we were in trouble]
Nameless writer from Amber-L: Now there's a thought: Has anyone ran a campaign where someone besides Random got the Crown? I've seen Gerard as Regent, and "Brand Wins" campaigns, and the opening to one throne war I saw online had Caine as the dying king, but I want someone really obscure on the throne. Like Llewella. Or Julian. Or, hell, Martin. Or maybe even Corwin. Anyone just gone way off the deep end?
Fred: The Amberway GM LAUGHS and LAUGHS.

[Someone poses a question about weapons prowess to Behemoth]
Behemoth: I got a knife! [This answer became legendary]

Steve: Starwind is so like my wife in some respects - such morning, pre-coffee crankiness.

Jim: I've figured it out! Tempest is secretly the blacksmith from DIABLO! (Well, What ken uh due for ye?!)
David: DOH!! Me Cover be Blown! No FAIR! Other folks get to be Random, Zorro or The Scarlet Pimpernel And I get stuck with Diablo character! GRRRR ;)

David: Oops um translate all that in to Tempest jargon ... I'm too tired to go back and do it.

Ginger: Hey, I thought I gave orders to have [Behemoth] keelhauled!
Dave: You did. We were worried that he might damage the hull.

Fisher: What was that about? Has our Delve caught Behemothitis?

James: Just how does something circle menacingly?

[Brand hands Werewindle to Starwind]
Dave: Starwind can guess [Seeker]'ll be first in line to take a loot at it after we're done talking in here.
Jeremy: Freudian slip?
Tony: Nah. Greed. Plain and simple greed.

[Everyone on the boat seems to be trying to save Starwind from the flying serpents]
David: Tempest jumping, Seeker whipping, Fisher slicing, Archer shooting, at the lifting Starwind.... Does this look like developing clusterf**k to anyone else.....
Ginger: Yes. (whimper)
Steve: Looks like mixed Hero and serpent kebab, to the cook.

Tony: Yeah to be honest I have no idea where Puma is except that I said he was at the gun-whales. Now I just need to know what and where a gunwhale is.
Jeremy: it's where the whale with the gun sits.

Jeremy: Man... you know life is shitty when even Turtle has nothing nice to say about you..

Dave: Given a choice, six out of nine winged serpents choose new Honey Behemoth.

[Seeker and Puma go looking for winged serpents in the hold]
Dave: "Half a league, half a league, half a league onward, noble two heroes..."
Tony: "Into the hold of death strode the two heroes..."

Ginger: [Starwind] would like to speak to the winds to find out where they are coming from and what lies ahead in the chasm.
The GM: The winds seem distracted, a little wifty.
Winds: "huuuunh?"
" thehhhh chhhhhhhaasssssmmmmmm?"
" oohhhhhhhhh...."
" Roooohhckk ... loooooohts ooooohf rooooooohck..."
The GM: What do you expect from airheads?

[Seeker offers advice to Fisher on home remedies to get rid of his cravings for the Captain]
Seeker: I've never had a need for them myself, so I have no idea if they work. Also, the crew might notice the smell of a horseradish and onion ointment worn in your shorts.

[Behemoth honestly describes an ability of his]
Tony: Congratulations, Behemoth can now successfully tell the truth and still not be believed. Take a bow.

[Starwind won't let any of the characters other than Turtle, who already knows she's a girl, touch her]
Olof: Turtle seems to get more and more like his player; the girls regarding him as a nice fellow, though totally harmless.

[Starwind decides to put the magic blade in the hands of someone who might actually get some use from it]
Starwind: Seeker, will you wield Werewindle?
Jim (as Seeker): Will you say that three times fast?

[The reincarnation thread rears its head again]
Ginger: I'm having a good laugh imagining the look on Fisher's face if he finds out that he's actually Flora.
Steve: Stunned gaze! The cooking! The obsession with instant romance. [As opposed to casual sex, a la Corwin.] The lack of ambition! I see the light! From now on, Fisher will dye his hair blonde and wear an off-the-shoulder doublet.

Tony: "How to Create An Atmosphere of Paranoia By The Use of Complete Honesty". A doctoral thesis by B. Rand

[The players are identifying which Teletubby plays them in the kids' video version of Amberway]
Jim: Po is the sexy little red one.
Tony: Now you're beginning to scare me Jim.
Jim: Jim scare Tony! Jim scare Tony!
Uh-Oh!
Again! Again!
. . .
Po is the sexy little red one.

[Debating about whether Seeker, Fisher, or Turtle is going looking for Starwind and Tempest]
Steve: Fisher lets Seeker and Turtle do the finding. He is the last to join the group.
Ginger (to Steve): You mean you're making Seeker do all the work, 'cos Turtle is supposed to be staying off his feet too.
Dave: Like it's going to be all that much work on a ship this size.
Seeker (turns his head and points): Found 'em.

[The crew gets its first look at Kolvir]
Starwind (looking impressed): I think we know what 'uphill' means now ...
Seeker: Yeah. It means a lotta stairs we're gonna be climbing.

[The crew gets to Castle Amber and is put in the extensively-described, decaying guest wing]
The GM: Now, has everyone got the symbols here now? Gooood...

[Tony notices a slight problem with the number of crew we have available]
Tony: Okay folks, a question. Who takes a room to themselves? With eleven characters (incl. Swallow), at least one person will be on their own. Who wants to be first target for the Crazed Axe Murderer of Castle Amber?

[More Crazed Axe Murderer thread]
David (to Starwind): I can see it now... You come home and [Swallow] is already asleep. In the morning you wake up and see scrawled across the wall in her lifeblood: ArEn't YoU GLaD yOU DiDN't LIgHt ThAT lAmp?
Jim: Remember, if you want to survive, don't have sex under any circumstances.

[The Crazed Axe Murderer thread merges with the Amberway casting thread]
Ginger: I'm personally wondering what the sexiest man alive is doing in this movie, though; he normally chooses a better class of movies, and he's a bit out of the normal age range for this kind of flick. And if I had to go, I can think of worse ways to die ...
Dave: Let's see now. I think my agent phrased it as "An action packed suspense thriller loaded with political intrigue set against the backdrop of a decaying empire, and a leading lady with a secret which will change everyone's impression of her." No mention of crazed axe murderers.

[Steve thinks Harrison Ford should play the Crazed Axe Murderer]
Steve: Now who's rooming with HF in the Amberway slasher?......Shit!

[Fisher and Walks-with-Puma encounter a locked door]
Steve: Fisher is of Royal blood and never stoops to peering through keyholes when anyone is watching.
Fisher: Walks-with-Puma, can you see anything through this keyhole?

[Jeremy violates an Amber player's cardinal rule]
Jeremy: Oh, god! What is Brand isn't really Brand, but Martin!!
The GM: You know, you REALLY have to be careful about giving the GM ideas over the open channel.

[David gets an unfavorable answer to a question]
David (as Tempest): Doh! Guess I'm not a Good Stuff Character.

Ginger: How can I say this without insulting Fisher?
Steve: Oh, why restrain yourself? Fisher's not there to hear it.

Steve: [Fisher]'s been celibate a week, (and that's a long time in.......politics).

[Behemoth is about to get loose and attack Tempest]
David (to the GM): One question, Does Behemoth have a knife? (answer- NO! I took the bloody thing away from him!)

[Fisher isn't permitted to speak to Prince Brand]
Steve: It should be obvious to all that [Fisher]'s disappointed.
The GM: Get used to disappointment.

[Delve finds out Behemoth isn't dead after all]
Jim: High-water types can detect dispappointment in his voice. For that matter so can characters with so little in the way of Water their Everway name is "Cactus."

[The Captain gives Fisher a piece of her mind]
Steve: Excuse me ma'am, have you been drinking demon ichor or is it just that time of the month?

Steve: Ah-ah! So the truth comes out. Turtle's "harmless musical instrument" is really an anti-tank blowpipe.
Tony: Spitballs. Really, really, big spitballs. Spitballs from hell.

[Seeker and Starwind are looking at a map of Arden, preparing to hunt for Behemoth]
Seeker: Look. Dark malefic drawings. Want to bet Behemoth's going to find his way to them?
Starwind: No bet.

[Seeker hears about Behemoth's illness]
Seeker: Yeah, I'd think something might be wrong with me if I saw smoke starting to pour out my mouth.