The fighting was over, had been for some hours, and still Orinda had heard nothing from William. He'd been stationed with his men at the head of the stair of Kolvir, and what she'd gleaned from the men she'd been tending was that the fighting there had been thickest. Prince Bleys had fallen from the stair and was presumed dead, but Prince Corwin had made it all the way up to the top before his men had all been killed and he himself had been subdued.
The worst of the triage cases had been sorted out first, limbs amputated, wounds stitched or cauterized as best as possible and the men left to live or die on their own. Orinda had wandered that ward, looking for William, but she had not expected to find him there, save by the side of one of his men. It was likely he'd never been wounded, or perhaps he'd accompanied a wounded guardsman to the other field hospital.
It didn't bear thinking about that he might be in the makeshift morgue.
But as Orinda hurried across the courtyard, where guards and servants still milled about in shock at how close Prince Corwin had actually come to taking the castle, she caught sight of his tall, dark form, and called his name. William turned, hearing her voice over the noise of the crowd, and looked mildly surprised when Orinda threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly with sheer relief.
Just another guard and his servant wench, Orinda thought, amused. And indeed, the scene was being duplicated here and there throughout the courtyard.
Most of the Royal Guard knew the taciturn soldier by sight. Many of them were in awe of his strength and his skill with a blade. She'd heard the whispers that he was a royal bastard, but he never spoke of such things to Orinda, even though he must know that he'd betrayed himself to her more than once. If he understood what she was, noticed her preternatural sensitivity to his moods and fancies, he returned the favor by refusing to ask about her own origins. So they maintained a companionate silence, both satisfied with the unspoken understanding that they were more than what they seemed.
"Are you hurt?" she asked, releasing William and looking him over. She brushed her hand over a bloody scrape on his cheek.
"Nothing serious," William responded curtly, and she knew that the real damage wasn't physical.
"Come back to my room and I'll tend it."
William smirked."Are you propositioning me, Orinda?"
"Do you want me to be?" She arched an eyebrow at him. It was an old joke; the familiarity of it was comforting in the face of today's disaster. William quirked the corner of his mouth in a way that passed for a laugh, and followed her as she turned back towards the servants' wing of the castle, acknowledging a soldier who called his name with an inclination of his head.
Orinda and William shared the long walk back to her room without speaking. As a privileged servant--even if no one could quite remember why she had that privilege any more in Dworkin's absence--she had a chamber to herself. Or perhaps none of the servants was willing to share what passed for private space with the former companion of a madman, and likely enough a madwoman herself. To Orinda, the solitude was a blessed respite, one she chose to share with William when he needed it, as he did now. William sat down on her bed as Orinda poured him a shot of whiskey. He tossed it back, then handed the glass back to her.
"Bad?" she asked, refilling the glass and handing it back to him.
William nodded and drank the second shot straight down as well."Bleys was amazing. He killed--I don't know how many men he killed--and Corwin was right behind him. It was brutal." And Orinda knew from William's voice that he was both drawn to the beauty of Bleys' feat and repelled by the fact that it drew him.
"Another?"
William shook his head.
"Where were you?" she asked him."I'd begun to worry."
"I walked down the stair to the beach. There was blood all the way, Orinda. All the way down." William shook his head again and Orinda could feel his pain as if it were her own.
Orinda sat next to William and touched his cheek."Do you want to talk about it?"
William was quiet for a moment. Finally he said,"No," and pulled her atop him, back onto the narrow bed, silencing her questions wordlessly but with an eloquence all his own, his hands and his mouth both demanding and pleading for a more primal ease for his distress.
It wasn't true love and it never would be, but there was comfort in it. Orinda knew that William didn't comprehend that he could love something as small as a person, and she herself would never really love anyone ever again. So the sharing, the uncomplicated physicality of it, was enough for both of them.
Afterwards, Orinda lit a cigarette and took a long drag. William made a face at the scent of the cloves."I don't know why you smoke those things."
"Nobody would think you're up here while I'm smoking them."
William's snort and quirked eyebrow acknowledged the hit. By way of reply, he settled for tangling his fingers in her dark hair and looking off into space. He was clearly in one of his philosophical moods, as he sometimes was when urges of a baser nature had been satisfied.
"William," she asked him,"why do you keep doing it when it makes you so unhappy? You know, you have other options."
"It's my job," he said harshly."Amber needs me, and Eric is Amber right now. You may despise him, but he's not out in shadow screwing around and picking fights with his brothers when he has work to do here. He's trying to hold the center together against what's coming out of shadow. With Gerard and Julian and Caine behind him, Eric's the best bet we've got. Corwin and Bleys were either too stupid or too selfish to see it."
"Don't give Eric too much credit for Caine," Orinda responded, aware that she was letting William bait her."Caine bided his time and waited for the best deal he could get out of Eric. There's a reason Random has stayed away all this time, and a reason he sided with Corwin."
"I guess it never occurred to Random that Amber might be that important." William's voice was tinged with contempt.
Stung:"I guess it never occurred to Caine either."
William offered truce:"It sure as hell didn't occur to Corwin and Bleys. This isn't a particularly noble family."
They were silent for a long time after that. Orinda finished the cigarette, stubbed it out.
"William?"
"Yes?"
"Do you ever wonder if there are others out there like us?"
He didn't respond immediately, and Orinda could feel the sudden wary tension in him. After a moment, he answered, making no pretense that he misunderstood the question:"Oberon, Corwin, and Random'll probably fuck anything that moves. The others aren't much better. Who knows how many are out there? We know about the kid in Rebma. Could be more."
"Martin," Orinda said softly."Random's son's name is Martin."
"Whatever." Indifferent."You thinking of looking for them?"
"Maybe."
"Why?"
Orinda sat up."There's nothing left I can do here. Dworkin all but ordered me to go after Deirdre--" And here William nodded abruptly, knowing of Orinda's experience and not particularly wanting to hear it again after his own brush with death."William, things are coming to a head here. Big things, not just the same old power games. Oberon's gone, you've seen what's coming out shadow, and now Bleys and Corwin attack. And Dworkin tells me he's losing it."
"Dworkin? Isn't he dead by now?"
"It's hard to kill the avatar of the Pattern."
William gave Orinda a strange look."What?"
"He's Oberon's father, William. Their grandfather." Our great-grandfather."And he drew the Pattern and it's part of him and he's part of it, and somebody has to have done something to the Pattern, because it's how they did something to him."
"What are you talking about? The Pattern's fine. I know people who do turns down there regularly and nobody has noticed anything."
"They wouldn't," Orinda replied, omitting her newfound knowledge as to why."The kind of damage involved isn't obvious to the casual observer."
""Fuck." Silence."Well, fuck." He didn't really believe her--he certainly didn't want to--but the idea was frightening to anyone with family knowledge and common sense."And you think you can do something about it?"
"I think I'm the only one who knows enough to try."
William shook his head, disbelief even more evident."What about Fiona and Brand?"
"They don't know, or they're behind it."
William shook his head again."Fucking wonderful."
"Then I guess I can't interest you in coming with me."
His expression hardened."I have work to do, Orinda, I don't have time to chase wild geese out in shadow. Maybe you need to go haring off after what you think is a threat to Dworkin and to Amber. But if you want company, you better look for Martin, because Eric needs me here, where the real threats are." He didn't say If you're right, Eric needs you too, but it was in his eyes.
And she didn't say I can't help Eric if he won't let me, but that was in Orinda's eyes when she looked back at William. And she bowed her head, having expected William's response."Then I guess this is it."
"I guess it is." William stood and began dressing himself with quick efficiency."Eric thinks you're crazy, you know."" He didn't say and I'm beginning to wonder but Orinda's underhearing caught that too.
Angry and a little hurt:"Fuck what Eric thinks. Eric doesn't know everything." And neither do you. She drew her shirt over her own head as William sat down and pulled on first one boot, then the other. Realizing that her reaction was too harsh, she offered truce as he strode to the door."William, I'm sorry."
William's eyes were the color of a cold winter wind, and his voice was mixed regret and anger, subdued enough that most people would have missed it."Yeah, Orinda, I'm sorry too." And she knew that in his own way, he really was sorry, even if not for the things he wanted her to think he was apologizing for.
Then he stepped out the door, and was gone.
Orinda looked at the closed door and sighed. Another lost opportunity, if there had been an opportunity at all. But William was trying to protect Amber in his own way; his sense of duty was probably even stronger than her own, just different.
Quietly: "I'll miss you too, William."
Bruce Campbell is William